Sunday School Facts

Xavier's Sunday School teacher approached me today. "Wow," he said, "Xavier is just bursting with facts."

"Really," I replied. "Any of them accurate?"

He gave a careless shrug. "Most of them. He raises his hand, but he ends up blurting stuff out anyway because he is just so excited. Which is great, because it means he is interested!"

Poor guy. He has been teaching the third and fourth graders for years and I have never seen him quite like this about a student. Sure, he liked Gwen and commented on how she liked to read, but he also found her shy and hard to bring out. I guess he deserves an enthusiastic student after all this time.

He continued, "And Xavier always asks to be the one to read -- that's really unusual for a third grader, especially a boy."

"Well, Xavier is a pretty good reader for his age. And he wants to be an actor."

"I can tell! Just from the way he reads!"

OK, I am a Christian, but a third grader reading the Bible enthusiatically? I'd love to be a fly on the wall in that classroom.

Instead, I simply asked him, "So, have you covered the lesson on the High Priests yet?"

"No, why?"

I think he'll figure it out.

Religious Wrong

Hopefully I won't get into too much trouble for this; after all, I am a Sunday School teacher. Of course, if I get fired, I won't be missing much, because the pay is lousy.

Anyway, I was reviewing my Sunday School lesson for tomorrow, which is about the high priests quizzing Jesus. As soon as I saw the title, I said jokingly, "I wonder if I should play the High Priests' song from Jesus Christ Superstar to put the kids in the mood." (The song is technically called "This Jesus Must Die" for the sticklers out there.)

Adam said, "Why not?"

Of course, I happened to say this in front of the kids. My show-tune loving young man yelled, "Why don't we listen to it now?!?"

So, for the next half hour, the kids and I boogied around and sang that song (and the song after, "Hosanna") over and over and over again. Then it was time to take Xavier to a birthday party, and THAT'S when the trouble started.

Xav: I can't get that song out of my head. "Must die! Must die! That Jesus must die!"

Gwen: Me either!

Me: Well, you better not sing it at the birthday party -- someone is liable to be offended.

Xav: But it is so hard!

Me: Let's sing something else, then.

Xav: Doe, a deer -- no, wait! Who can take a rainbow ...

Gwen (thoroughly sick of the Willy Wonka play): No!

Me: Who can take a rainbow ...

Finally, in self defense, Gwen joined in. I figured by the end of the trip that Xavier was safe.

No such luck. When I picked Xav up from the party, he told me, "Darn! I had to sing 'Hosanna' at the party, and I thought I was by myself, so I sang, 'Jesus, I am on your side, Kiss me, kiss me Jesus!' And suddenly Ian was there, and he was like. 'What?!?'"

"Oh well," I replied. "It could have been worse ..."

"Yeah," Xav replied. "I tried to explain to him about Jesus Christ Superstar, but he didn't really understand it. I expect he'll tell everyone about it, and by the time Monday rolls around, who KNOWS what they'll be saying about it? But I really don't care."

A good attitude to have, I guess, but I don't look forward to the phone calls ...

Budding Novelists

I was combing Gwen's hair this morning while she and Xavier were eating breakfast. Out of the blue, she said, "My relationship with Bethany is ... interesting."

Given the abruptness of the comment, Xavier and I laughed. Then I said, "You know, that sounds like the first sentence in the first chapter of a novel ..."

Gwen said, "Yeah, a novel called My Relationship With Bethany."

"No, that would be too obvious ... it would need to be more complicated than that ..."

"Yeah," commented Xavier. "It should be something like How to Kill a Blue Jay."

(I should note that Gwen does not have a bad relationship with Bethany, just, evidently, an interesting one.)

School Daze

I was looking at one of Xavier's school notebooks. The teacher had put a form on the inside to identify the student, and Xav filled it out as follows ...

NAME: Xavier Barnes

WHAT DO I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP? An Actor

WHAT SHOULD I DO TO DO WELL IN THIS CLASS? Pay attention to my posture, listen and learn.

Now, for some subjects this might be appropriate. Science? Not so much. "So, Xavier, how would you conduct this experiment?" "Well, first I better check my posture ..."


While Xav was doing his homework the other day, he commented, "You know what, Mom? It's easy to spell 'pieces' because it has 'pie' in it. Get it? A 'piece' of 'pie.'"

I agreed that it was clever, until I took a look at his math homework. At the top, I read, "Name: Pieces". What could I do? I added, "(aka Xavier)."


The kids are having sleepovers at our house tonight. I peeked in at Gwen and her friend. "Good night, girls!"

Almost without looking up from their books: "Good night, Mom." "Good night, Gwen's Mom."

Looking in at the boys, who were sitting huddled on the bed looking at Xav's Nintendo DS, I stepped in and put my hand on Xav's shoulder, playing it cool. "Good night, boys."

Xav's friend: "Good night, Xavier's Mom."

Xav: "Aa-aa-aa!"

Looking back, I saw his gesturing with his hand in a "get back over here" kind of way. "You don't think you can get away without a hug?"

I went back and hugged him. "I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friend."

"Yeah, well, I've seen Dan here 'embarrassed' a few times. It's okay."

Sigh ... better enjoy it while I can.