Gwen and Xavier have become obsessed with telling jokes (especially Knock-Knock jokes.) The problem is, they aren't very good at it yet. A typical exchange with Gwen and me runs along the lines of ... oh, okay, I'll be honest -- this is a SPECIFIC exchange we have had again and again:
Gwen: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there
Gwen: Dinosaur!
Me: Dinosaur who?
Gwen: Dinosaur doesn't know where to lay her eggs! HA! HA! HA! HA! Isn't that funny?
Adam keeps trying to explain to them what makes good humor. ("A joke is funny because it is true." "A joke is funny because it is ironic." "A joke is funny because it is a play on words.") This is still above their heads at this time. They don't even quite understand that delivery matters. For example, I might tell them a joke that runs along the lines of "Knock knock ... who's there? ... Cows Say ...Cows Say who? ... No, cows say moo!" and Xav's version will be "Knock knock ... Who's there? ... Cows say ... Cows say who? ... That's not what a cow says!"
The other day, to illustrate how jokes work, Adam told them the following joke:
Two penguins are standing on an ice flow. One penguin says to the other, "You look like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other replied, "How do you know that I'm not?"
You can tell Xavier is trying hard to get it, because when it was his turn to tell a joke, he said, "Knock knock!"
Adam: Who's there?
Xavier: Two penguins standing on an ice flow.
Adam: Two penguins standing on an ice flow who?
Xavier: You look like you are wearing a tuxedo!
Poor kids, they'll get it sooner or later. If they only knew how funny they are without trying.
Gwen is about to keel over from excitement: she has her first loose tooth! She is so proud of it that she is telling everyone about it. The problem? It is (probably) loose because she slipped crawling across the tile floor yesterday and smacked her mouth. In fact, I think it is less loose tonight than it was yesterday, which probably means her body isn't ready to give it up.
Hopefully the Toothless Sixes will kick in before she figures that out.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Gardening
Ah, Spring. The reemergence of green things (except our lawn), insects ("Mom, what are those yellow things? I'm worried about yellow jackets!"), and children ("Mommy! Let's get the Bubble Blasters and ride our bikes and we can play Teacher!" Teaching ... what? Luckily they usually lose interest in this game pretty quickly.)
This weekend we went through the annual ritual of clearing out our weed garden (a patch of ground that the previous owners had planted a lush garden on, which quickly went to pot when we moved in (and I don't mean we planted marijuana -- or "weed" -- I mean WEEDS.)) Every spring since we moved in, we have cleared that out with the thought that THIS YEAR we would defeat the locust tree forest that keeps trying to reestablish itself there, and make it a lovely oasis in the otherwise wide open expanse that is our backyard (sadly, I am from Indiana, so I like wide-open areas, so I haven't been strongly motivated to change.) We have lived here for three years now, and despite best intentions, by the end of the summer that spot is more of a blemish than a beauty spot. Ah, but enough flowery language.
This year, we planted some hazelnut trees we received from the Arbor Day Foundation in the weed garden. For the most part, the kids were happy enough to play by themselves, but after awhile they decided that there were more fun things to do than shoot Mom with the Bubble guns -- I mean, "Bubble Blasters" -- such as:
This weekend we went through the annual ritual of clearing out our weed garden (a patch of ground that the previous owners had planted a lush garden on, which quickly went to pot when we moved in (and I don't mean we planted marijuana -- or "weed" -- I mean WEEDS.)) Every spring since we moved in, we have cleared that out with the thought that THIS YEAR we would defeat the locust tree forest that keeps trying to reestablish itself there, and make it a lovely oasis in the otherwise wide open expanse that is our backyard (sadly, I am from Indiana, so I like wide-open areas, so I haven't been strongly motivated to change.) We have lived here for three years now, and despite best intentions, by the end of the summer that spot is more of a blemish than a beauty spot. Ah, but enough flowery language.
This year, we planted some hazelnut trees we received from the Arbor Day Foundation in the weed garden. For the most part, the kids were happy enough to play by themselves, but after awhile they decided that there were more fun things to do than shoot Mom with the Bubble guns -- I mean, "Bubble Blasters" -- such as:
- Ooh and aah over a locust shell Mom found while yanking out weeds;
- Ask Mom to refill the Bubble Guns;
- Cry bitter tears over the loss of the locust shell when the wind blew it out of Gwen's hand;
- Argue over whose fault it was the locust shell was lost;
- Ooh and aah over a grub Mom found (that is one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen, but I digress);
- Beg Mom for rides in the wheelbarrow.
They only became interested in this last activity when Mom had only two or three loads left to take, so by now our allergy-infested Gwen was getting pretty stuffy. At one point, when I was cleaning out the wheelbarrow in preparation for giving them a ride back to the Weed Garden, Gwen sneezed a terrible sneeze. There was a whine of disgust from Xav, who then said, "Mo-om! Gwen just bless-youed all over me and the wheelbarrow!"
Once the wheelbarrow rides were over, so was Xav's interest in planting trees, so he came in and I gave him a bath. Despite allergies and sunburn, Gwen stayed with it until the bitter end. Hopefully, we have actually planted trees -- they were so tiny that they often got lost in the twigs on the ground. It may be that this is the first year that we seed the Weed Garden ourselves.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Young Scientist
Spoiler alert: this is more informational than funny.
There was a Science Fair at Gwen's school tonight. We had to overcome some obstacles to get there, specifically because we did not get the information packet to prepare for it until Monday night, but this is something Gwen really wanted to do, so we worked hard Tuesday and Wednesday to whip our concept into something viable.
I won't spend too much time on the project itself (except to say that it involved something we found in our holly bush, and that after theories, research, revised theories, and so on, we came to the conclusion that it was a Praying Mantis Egg Case.) We documented the process and put it on posterboard, and that (along with the egg case, which took a brief trip out of its home in the garage) was all we had, going into the Science Fair.
Judging was done based on grade level. There was probably a total of ten kindergarteners participating. One of the kindergarteners was set up across from us, and her project -- quite frankly -- daunted me. She had all kinds of numeric statistics and graphing, she had a nice presentation display (much fancier than our posterboard, which Gwen tore when unloading it from the van), and I thought, oh boy. Luckily, the numbers and graphing were beyond Gwen, or she would have been way too intimidated to talk to anyone. But after some initial shyness, Gwen told anyone who would listen about her experiment, why our original theories were wrong, and why she is pretty confident that our mystery object is a Praying Mantis egg case.
In the end, Gwen was a winner! The judges told her that of all the kindergarteners, she had the best oral presentation, and she got a prize. She may not have been the only kindergartener who got a prize (a science pin), though she may have been; I do know that not all of the kindergarteners got pins, so she did well. She was so happy, that when I took her picture with her pin and ribbon, she looked like she was going to cry. I'm surprised she fell asleep tonight, she was so excited when she got home.
Xavier also had an incredible time at the Science Fair, although Adam (the one delegated to watch "the boy") was exhausted by the end. I stayed with Gwen most of the time, but I am fairly confident that the sound of breaking glass I heard was not caused by him. However, as Adam pointed out later, "While Gwen was receiving her award for best oral presentation, Xavier was eating ice cream with his fingers. I guess that tells us a lot about the differences between our kids."
There was a Science Fair at Gwen's school tonight. We had to overcome some obstacles to get there, specifically because we did not get the information packet to prepare for it until Monday night, but this is something Gwen really wanted to do, so we worked hard Tuesday and Wednesday to whip our concept into something viable.
I won't spend too much time on the project itself (except to say that it involved something we found in our holly bush, and that after theories, research, revised theories, and so on, we came to the conclusion that it was a Praying Mantis Egg Case.) We documented the process and put it on posterboard, and that (along with the egg case, which took a brief trip out of its home in the garage) was all we had, going into the Science Fair.
Judging was done based on grade level. There was probably a total of ten kindergarteners participating. One of the kindergarteners was set up across from us, and her project -- quite frankly -- daunted me. She had all kinds of numeric statistics and graphing, she had a nice presentation display (much fancier than our posterboard, which Gwen tore when unloading it from the van), and I thought, oh boy. Luckily, the numbers and graphing were beyond Gwen, or she would have been way too intimidated to talk to anyone. But after some initial shyness, Gwen told anyone who would listen about her experiment, why our original theories were wrong, and why she is pretty confident that our mystery object is a Praying Mantis egg case.
In the end, Gwen was a winner! The judges told her that of all the kindergarteners, she had the best oral presentation, and she got a prize. She may not have been the only kindergartener who got a prize (a science pin), though she may have been; I do know that not all of the kindergarteners got pins, so she did well. She was so happy, that when I took her picture with her pin and ribbon, she looked like she was going to cry. I'm surprised she fell asleep tonight, she was so excited when she got home.
Xavier also had an incredible time at the Science Fair, although Adam (the one delegated to watch "the boy") was exhausted by the end. I stayed with Gwen most of the time, but I am fairly confident that the sound of breaking glass I heard was not caused by him. However, as Adam pointed out later, "While Gwen was receiving her award for best oral presentation, Xavier was eating ice cream with his fingers. I guess that tells us a lot about the differences between our kids."
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Life, Death, and Birthdays
We went to visit my brother Ezra, his wife Ginger, and my niece Chloe on Sunday to celebrate Chloe's birthday (which was a week ago.) Chloe just turned four (and is "Almost five!" as she told one of the kids) and a good time was had by all, playing in the backyard, eating lunch out, and opening birthday presents. The kids played on the swingset, Ez showed me his guitars and played some music, Ginger and I talked about kids and traded stories, and the dog ate some grass and threw up. As I said, a good time all the way around.
One of the things I bragged about was how well Gwen is coming along with her reading. Unfortunately, this came back to bite me when she came across the stone Ezra and Ginger had posted over the grave of their beloved cat (referred to as "Mommy Kitty" by little Chloe). "Is this a gravestone?" she asked, then read (if my memory is true), "Goodbye Mommy Kitty -- A Good Friend." Well, that got her waterworks going, and she cried for awhile until Uncle Ez introduced her to their new cat Cosmo.
I hoped that was the end of it, but as Adam and Xav did what men do best on long car trips -- slept -- on the way back, Gwen asked me some questions about "Mommy Kitty" and "Cosmo" and the mortality of our cats. She cried some more, but I managed to distract her by talking to her about her upcoming birthday party (I am getting a lot of mileage out of this party. I only hope she isn't sick of it before it happens.) Eventually we got home, and she and Xav ran around the yard with "bubble blowers" Aunt Ginger gave them and seemed to be reasonably happy. By the time bedtime rolled around, though, I got apprehensive.
Shortly after Gwen went to bed, she got up and called downstairs, asking me to check on a Praying Mantis egg case she has in the garage (because I don't want five hundred little praying mantises sitting around the house, watching TV, playing video games, and drinking beer). I checked (no babies yet!) and went upstairs to report. She was crying, of course (no surprise.) So we talked about life (Praying Mantis eggs), death (cats, Ruby the Tiger from the local zoo, and Aunt Tania's mother), and birthdays, and she seemed to settle down again. I guess death is a pretty heavy topic, and one day kids just "get" it, and it can be overwhelming. In the meantime, what my big fear is what I will use to distract her off these whims once her birthday is behind us.
On the life front ... my husband (yes, it pains me to tell you this) is a huge Abba fan (okay, Abba isn't that bad.) There is a song on one of his compilation CDs that is called "I'm a Marionette" that is from an Abba mini-operetta (or movie or something) called "The Girl with the Golden Hair." The gist of the song is that the singer is effectively a puppet -- she's steered through life by those who would have her do as they want (beginning to sound kinda apt in light of the whole Anna Nicole thing).
Anyway, Xavier also "translates" the meaning as "she is a puppet" and calls it "the puppet song." In his case, however, he envisions the singer as being some kind of REAL puppet that can talk and sing. He has expanded the "plot" of the song to the point that it is now about a puppet that is alive and is talking to a little boy. It is very funny to listen to him talk about this and expand the plot, but sometimes he asks you questions in the context of his made-up premise, and he can't understand why your answer bears little resemblance to his version. For example:
"Why does the puppet tell the little boy that it is not married yet?" (Marionette = Married-not-yet.)
"Why does the boy find a talking puppet in his room?"
"Why is the puppet telling the boy he is a puppet?"
"Why is the puppet telling the boy he is alive?"
("Xavier, the song is about a 'real' person.") "A real person who is a puppet?"
"Can we watch this movie sometime? I want to see the movie about the puppet."
To paraphrase another Abba song, he can "go on and on and on" about this topic. I wonder if I can check out Pinocchio and convince him that this is the theme song?
(I wonder if it is too soon to start talking to him about his birthday?)
One of the things I bragged about was how well Gwen is coming along with her reading. Unfortunately, this came back to bite me when she came across the stone Ezra and Ginger had posted over the grave of their beloved cat (referred to as "Mommy Kitty" by little Chloe). "Is this a gravestone?" she asked, then read (if my memory is true), "Goodbye Mommy Kitty -- A Good Friend." Well, that got her waterworks going, and she cried for awhile until Uncle Ez introduced her to their new cat Cosmo.
I hoped that was the end of it, but as Adam and Xav did what men do best on long car trips -- slept -- on the way back, Gwen asked me some questions about "Mommy Kitty" and "Cosmo" and the mortality of our cats. She cried some more, but I managed to distract her by talking to her about her upcoming birthday party (I am getting a lot of mileage out of this party. I only hope she isn't sick of it before it happens.) Eventually we got home, and she and Xav ran around the yard with "bubble blowers" Aunt Ginger gave them and seemed to be reasonably happy. By the time bedtime rolled around, though, I got apprehensive.
Shortly after Gwen went to bed, she got up and called downstairs, asking me to check on a Praying Mantis egg case she has in the garage (because I don't want five hundred little praying mantises sitting around the house, watching TV, playing video games, and drinking beer). I checked (no babies yet!) and went upstairs to report. She was crying, of course (no surprise.) So we talked about life (Praying Mantis eggs), death (cats, Ruby the Tiger from the local zoo, and Aunt Tania's mother), and birthdays, and she seemed to settle down again. I guess death is a pretty heavy topic, and one day kids just "get" it, and it can be overwhelming. In the meantime, what my big fear is what I will use to distract her off these whims once her birthday is behind us.
On the life front ... my husband (yes, it pains me to tell you this) is a huge Abba fan (okay, Abba isn't that bad.) There is a song on one of his compilation CDs that is called "I'm a Marionette" that is from an Abba mini-operetta (or movie or something) called "The Girl with the Golden Hair." The gist of the song is that the singer is effectively a puppet -- she's steered through life by those who would have her do as they want (beginning to sound kinda apt in light of the whole Anna Nicole thing).
Anyway, Xavier also "translates" the meaning as "she is a puppet" and calls it "the puppet song." In his case, however, he envisions the singer as being some kind of REAL puppet that can talk and sing. He has expanded the "plot" of the song to the point that it is now about a puppet that is alive and is talking to a little boy. It is very funny to listen to him talk about this and expand the plot, but sometimes he asks you questions in the context of his made-up premise, and he can't understand why your answer bears little resemblance to his version. For example:
"Why does the puppet tell the little boy that it is not married yet?" (Marionette = Married-not-yet.)
"Why does the boy find a talking puppet in his room?"
"Why is the puppet telling the boy he is a puppet?"
"Why is the puppet telling the boy he is alive?"
("Xavier, the song is about a 'real' person.") "A real person who is a puppet?"
"Can we watch this movie sometime? I want to see the movie about the puppet."
To paraphrase another Abba song, he can "go on and on and on" about this topic. I wonder if I can check out Pinocchio and convince him that this is the theme song?
(I wonder if it is too soon to start talking to him about his birthday?)
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Bond, James Bond
Adam and Xavier were listening to some music today, and a tune from the James Bond 007 movies came on.
"Daddy, what's this?" Xavier asked.
"This is called 'In Her Majesty's Service,'" Adam replied. "It comes from one of the James Bond movies."
"You mean, James the Splendid Red Engine?" Xavier asked, citing his beloved Thomas the Tank Engine series again.
"No, sweetie. James Bond is a spy."
"You mean like when we play Superspies?" Xavier asked. This is a game where the kids sneak up on us, then pretend to be statues when we look in their direction. Gwen came up with this spin, and it never seems to occur to them that most people worth spying on would notice the sudden appearance of a realistic statue in the middle of their kitchen.
Adam replied, "Yes, kind of like when you play Superspies."
Xavier pondered this for a moment, then asked, "So, James was a spy before he became a Splendid Red Engine?"
Bond ... Splendid Red Engine Bond.
"Daddy, what's this?" Xavier asked.
"This is called 'In Her Majesty's Service,'" Adam replied. "It comes from one of the James Bond movies."
"You mean, James the Splendid Red Engine?" Xavier asked, citing his beloved Thomas the Tank Engine series again.
"No, sweetie. James Bond is a spy."
"You mean like when we play Superspies?" Xavier asked. This is a game where the kids sneak up on us, then pretend to be statues when we look in their direction. Gwen came up with this spin, and it never seems to occur to them that most people worth spying on would notice the sudden appearance of a realistic statue in the middle of their kitchen.
Adam replied, "Yes, kind of like when you play Superspies."
Xavier pondered this for a moment, then asked, "So, James was a spy before he became a Splendid Red Engine?"
Bond ... Splendid Red Engine Bond.
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