Out of the mouths of babes

We were at the ice cream store today. It's a new shop, and when I ordered the kids' "small" ice creams, they came in larger cups than they were expecting.

We were the only customers in the shop when we started, but a woman came in and ordered an ice cream. I hardly took notice of her until Gwen remarked, "WOW! She's getting a lot of ice cream -- is that a size LARGE?"

I shushed her and said, "No, couldn't be -- I'm sure it is just a medium-sized cup. She eats more than you because she is bigger than you, that's all."

Xavier chimes in (now, keep in mind, Xavier has no volume control). "No, it's NOT a MEDIUM, Mommy! See, that matches the cup on the end. That means it's a LARGE!"

"That's an awful lot of ice cream!" Gwen concurred. Meanwhile, I tried to melt under the table.

The kids insisted on further examining the size of the "LARGE" ice cream cup, but thankfully they waited until the woman left the shop.

Oh well, at least in this case the woman was a stranger. I was not so lucky during a Christmas Eve incident with Xavier and one of my coworkers ...


I have a new coworker from China. I'll call him "Xin" to protect the innocent. His cube is two down from mine. I will also mention (for those who don't know us so well) that Gwen is blond and blue-eyed, and Xavier is Korean. Nuff said.

The office is pretty dead this week, but I had to run into the office on Christmas Eve to water my plants and drop off a power cord for my boss. I had the kids with me, and I was somewhat surprised to run into Xin at the office. I introduced him to the kids, he made admiring comments, and we headed down the extra ten feet or so to my cube.

As soon as we stepped into my cube, Xavier announces, "Mommy! That man looked like Jackie Chan!"

Now, I personally think Jackie Chan is a nice-looking guy, but I can see where some people might not like to be described as such. Planning to explain it more detail later, I said, "Xav, shhh! No!"

"Yes he does, Mommy! He looks JUST LIKE Jackie Chan!"

Mortified, I was careful not to walk past Xin's cube on my way out.

Once we were in the van, I explained to Xavier, "Xav, although I know you did not mean it as an insult, some people might not like to be described as looking like Jackie Chan. I admit, he looks more like Jackie Chan than you do, and certainly more like Jackie Chan than Gwen does, but he may not feel like he looks like Jackie Chan, and he may not WANT to look like Jackie Chan."

"Mom!" Xavier moaned, appalled. "I don't look ANYTHING like Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan is Chinese, and I'm KOREAN!"

I guess Xin is not the only one who may not want to look like Jackie Chan.


The holiday letter is off (except for a select few for people I need to get addresses for.) I hope you all had a Merry Christmas (oh, I am such a rebel!) and that you have a wonderful 2009!

Cats Are Not Dead, Either

I mention this because in tying up the loose ends of my holiday letter (yes, there will be one this year, guilted as I was by Wendy Morgenstern and some relatives), I realized I had not said anything about the cats.

At sixteen, Grendel refuses to show her age. Sure, she used to kill flies with her bare paws, then toy dinosaurs, now Xavier's socks ... but she's still got it, baby. (Actually, although she makes a lot of noise about killing Xavier's socks, it does save us the bother of trying to figure out where he has left them.) Her appetite is beginning to slack off, though, leading us to offer her more tantalizing treats, which brings us to ...

... Caliban, who at thirteen, is even fatter than ever (probably pushing nineteen pounds now, although at 17.5 pounds the vet said he was "big-boned," so nineteen pounds is not quite as bad as it sounds.) Still, any tips on how we can keep our thin cat from getting thinner while preventing our fat cat from getting fatter would be appreciated.

And about that Christmas letter ... don't be surprised if you ring in the New Year before you see it. If you don't get one at all, you won't be missing much (since you get the best from this Blog), but if you know me personally and don't get one, it is because I don't know your address. If you know me personally, you know how to reach me and get added to my mailing list.


Adam and I (like many parents) frequently cannot watch a movie in a single evening because the kids get to bed late, and we are too exhausted to stay up much later. Just the other night, Adam and I were watching the third installment of "The Dark Knight," which means we were in the middle of a scene with lots of explosions, when suddenly Xavier appeared in the doorway of the living room, one hand on his hip.

He shouted indignantly, "What's the matter with you people? Dontcha know that people are trying to sleep in here?"

Then, in a more conversational tone, "So, whatcha watching?"

Not dead again ...

... just busy. First there was our Halloween party, then new flooring on our second floor, then Thanksgiving, then Xavier's birthday party, then Xavier's party rescheduled ...

Anyway, we're fine and looking forward to the holidays. On our travels over Thanksgiving, we listened to "The Hobbit" on DVD in the car. Xavier found himself drawn to the character of Golom (who isn't)? He asked us some questions about Golom, and this morning one thing led to another, and I ended up showing the kids a few "harmless" scenes from the Lord of the Rings Two Towers movie.

I say "harmless" in quotes because Xavier now aspires to be Golom, evidently. He spent much of the morning running around the house on all fours saying, "My precious!" and emulating some of the character's charming ticks. He even disassembled a bicycle horn so he would have a "ring" to wear. Actually, it is kind of scary how well he can carry off the act.

Evidently, Xavier has not been honing his tact skills, either. Last week, he looked up at me and said, "Mom, you have a LOT of smile lines. You look like an old apple!" I laughed, then gave him a mini-lecture on how women don't like to be described as "Old." I can tell the lesson really stuck with him ... when I was working from home the other day when he was home sick, he climbed into my lap. He saw a picture of me on the website I was working on (shrunk to 85 by 85 pixels), and said, "Gee, Mom, that person looks a lot like you ... except less apple-like."

I'm telling you, I'm never going to let myself be represented in more than 85x85 ever again.