Political Surveys

Tonight I read the kids a funny story as a bedtime story. The kids got into a huge debate over whether it was funny or not (are all siblings like this?)

Anyway, they were a little riled up when Adam came up to say good night to them. Almost as soon as he made it upstairs, the phone rang and he ran back downstairs to answer it. In no time at all, he was back upstairs.

"Who was it?" I asked, thinking it was his parents, returning his call.

"Oh, it was just one of those political surveys," he replied.

"Aw, man, you should have let them talk to me!" Xavier said. Then assuming a foreign accent, he said, "Hel-lo. You have reached the butt-wax factory, and we'd like to give you a free moonshine?"

(This is a commonly heard joke around our house that Xavier picked up at school. Public school has a lot of virtues, but nothing is perfect.)

But then Gwen continued, "If you are interested in taking us up on our offer, please call our toll-free number: 1-800-865-8900."

Adam replied, "You're going to redirect political telepollsters to WVTF's toll-free pledge line?"

I bet that's more than our local NPR station had bargained for.

I went to Xavier's Parent-Teacher conference today. He's doing fine -- As and Bs -- but the first thing his math teacher said was, "We really love Xavier. He is so funny.

"Here we are, what, 30 days into the school year? And yet, every day, like clockwork, 'Ms. Oster, do we need to do the back of the page?' I don't even answer anymore.

"But today, Xavier said, matter-of-factedly, 'What do you think? What is the answer to that question EVERY DAY?!? Of COURSE we have to the back of the page. Why do you think she puts something on the back of the page if we don't have to DO the back the page?'"

Well, someone had to say it.

Paging Prince Charming

Today we were teasing Gwen a little at dinner about boys and marriage (thinking, as clueless parents often do, that neither were in her immediate future.) Gwen suddenly said, "If I ever get married, the man I marry needs to be really smart ... but not as smart as me. He has to always agree with everything I say, and he has to do what I say ... And he has to take my last name." Like I said, I don't see either in her immediate future. As if to drive the point home, she added, "I'm going to be a bachelor ... a bachelorine? A bachelorina?" "A bachelorette." "Yeah. My friend Gloria (name changed to protect the innocent) and I are never going to get married -- we're going to be the bridesmaids!" Now, how often do you hear a woman say that as if it were a good thing?

Perspectives

Happy New Year! Yes, I know it is April. Wanna make something of it?

So, hopefully I am not letting any cats out any bags, but my brother is expecting a son in June. He has decided to name him James. Now, don't get me wrong, James is a perfectly nice name (not to mention a Splendid Red Engine), but it is a rather common name, and our last name is relatively common. When I asked my brother why they chose 'James', he named a number of reasons, one of which was, "It's Biblical." When I relayed this to Adam, he said, "There are lots of Biblical names. Why couldn't he have picked something a little more unusual ... like 'Zebulon'?"

At night, I say prayers with the kids, and one night shortly after this, when we were saying prayers, I finished with, "... and please watch over Zebulon ..." as a little joke. Gwen and Xavier perked up their ears. "Zebulon?"

"Oh, Dad is kidding that Uncle Ez is going to name his son Zebulon. They want to give their son a good Biblical name."

Xavier volunteered, "He wants a Biblical name? I know some great Biblical names."

"Oh, really? Like what?"

"If he were my son," Xavier announced happily, "I would name him 'Kings!'"


Xavier was doing some homework for Social Studies tonight; for a set list of famous people, he was supposed to draw a picture of each person, then write a short caption describing what that person had done. Unfortunately, I cannot post the pictures here, but his captions should illustrate the level of commitment he brought to this exercise:

George Washington: Father of our Country.

Thomas Jefferson: Wrote the Declaration of Independence.

Abraham Lincoln: Freed the slaves.

Cesar Chavez: Boycotted grapes.

Sometimes brevity really is the soul of wit. I'm not sure his teacher will agree with this assessment, however.